Sunday, November 07, 2010

Crossing Fingers and Staying Hopeful

A little over four years ago, my life changed pretty drastically in one of those ways where you find yourself suddenly unable to breathe. A lot. I had left a steady tech-writing job at the beginning of the year to go back to school full-time to finally finish off the BA in philosophy I'd left dangling for so long, when life did that thing it does and I found myself suddenly living alone, unemployed and living off dwindling savings. With one elective left and with winter coming, I walked away from school to find work -- any work -- to be able to catch up on bills, fill my heating oil tank and find my feet. I had no money left and everything I could scrounge up went into food and meds for my feline family.

The job that I finally nabbed ended up being the first job from which I've ever been fired, mostly because I really (really, really) hated the job in the worst way. But at the time, I did what I felt I had to do to look after myself and to look after the five cats left in my care after their other human skipped out on them. Sometimes you have to suck it up and do something that you don't want to do and resign yourself to it being a temporary place while you're sussing things out and planning for a better place. There's no shame in it.

And you know what? Almost every single day of the fall and early winter I worked there, I got to stand outside and look at this at the end of my shifts. And even today, I can't help but feel that that it made things a whole lot more bearable at a time when I could have really used "more bearable".You can tap into happiness wherever you are if you look for it. It can be found in the most unlikely and simplest of things. Here I am four years later, not remembering the crap job I had and hated, but remembering lingering outside my office to watch the sun set every day -- and looking forward to it every single day. Not bad for "bearable".


jessy said...

so very true, Mylene. so, so true. and yet almost every darn day i forget that i can tap into happiness - i forget that my life is damn good compared to what it could be. there are many days when i whine, get frustrated, and upset over things that don't really matter - it's embarrassing how often i do that. happiness can indeed be found in the unexpected and simpliest of places and things - i just need to shut off my mind, open my eyes, breathe - and appreciate. thanks for the wonderful reminder - i'm going to come back to this again and again. :)

veganelder said...

It is indeed good to notice and appreciate the beauty and grace that is the natural world that surrounds us.

It is also sad to realize that we human animals are engaged in a war of annihilation toward these wonders.

M said...

Sometimes that beauty is all you have to hold on to.