Learned Helplessness

A couple of days ago, I gathered some things into my backpack to get ready to hop on my bike to zip cross-town to a friend's place. We were meeting up for the afternoon with another friend to catch up on stuff. About two-thirds of the way there, I heard a loud "thunk!" and felt my chain go slack. Thankfully, I'd been riding slowly along a side street, having just let a guy and his dog cross in front of me. I hopped off the bike to assess what had happened -- it had just derailed.

I walked the bike the rest of the way and when I arrived, both my host and our friend stepped outside to see what had happened. I asked my host if she had any tools. (See, when I'd packed my bag, I'd taken my bike tool kit out to make room for junk -- a dumb, dumb, dumb thing to do.) She immediately offered to get the guy next door to come over with his tools. "To fix it for you," she added. I told her that I knew how to fix it myself and pointed out that the guy next door was probably enjoying a marathon session of World of Warcraft. She shrugged and fetched her tools and fussed as my other friend and I tinkered with the bike. I was avoiding the inevitable -- having to loosen the back wheel, which could have led to alignment problems and having to tweak and tweak and tweak.

Just as I was about to give in and loosen the wheel, a male friend of my host's came up the driveway. "Hey! Just what we need -- a man! Do you know anything about fixing bikes?" she asked him. My other friend and I exchanged looks and the token man replied "No". My host persisted and asked if he could give me a hand. At this point, I stood up and told my host (again) that not only did I know how to fix my own bike, but also that considering what I'd paid for it and how much I rely on it, the only other person -- male or female -- I'd let touch it with a wrench would be a professional bike mechanic.

The whole episode left me wondering about learned helplessness and why people would try to project it at others. I mean, in this case it seemed to be completely gender-based. An assumption was made by a woman that, as another woman, I needed a man to "fix" a mechanical problem -- even after I'd repeatedly assured her that I was more than able to look after it. I wonder how often people project their own learned helplessness on others in less obvious ways and without verbalizing it -- particularly, how many women are doing this to other women. And I worry about how many women are letting this behaviour hold them back from learning what they need to know to become more self-reliant.